he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
