Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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