whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
