This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
