ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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