he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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