OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
