OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
