So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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