I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
