hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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