Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize