Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
