I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
