dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
