Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
