is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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