How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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