I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
