Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
