Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
