He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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