so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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