I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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