I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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