My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
