I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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