I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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