Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
