Umm I'm too high to move.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
