is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i came on her dog
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
