Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
