I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
