Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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