my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
