How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
