I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
