Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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