Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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