youre lurking in front of me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
