Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
