I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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