drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize