do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
