I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
