i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
