You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
