I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
