He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
