My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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