Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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