ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
