Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
