I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
