Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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