Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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