My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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