Swine flu. Run for my life!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
