i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
