dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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