What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
