my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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