even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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