I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
