youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
