Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
