i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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