handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
