I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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