eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
