even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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