I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
