So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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