We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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