So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize